Diary of a Mid-Life Career Changer

This next post was written many months ago when I was going through a very difficult time. And while I am proud to say that I made it out of the tunnel to the brighter side, I am still trying to accomplish some of the goals that were associated with that struggle. Transitioning into a new industry that is so different from your original line of work is no piece of cake. But it's even more challenging when you are in the midst of a mid-life crisis. It is only now that I am in a better place, that I feel I can share this experience with you. Perhaps you or someone you know is going through something similar. If so, I hope that my post can lend you a different perspective, and perhaps even give you the hope and determination that you need to press on to your happy ending. :)  

I never imagined that fear would grip me this way. That it would first paralyze me, and then grow powerful enough to make me want to run right back into the clutches of that which I hated and tried to escape. Changing careers was supposed be fun, exciting and liberating.  So why was I so terrified and traumatized?

Digging deep into myself for answers, I realized that the thought of working in my new field scared me because it brought me right back to the less rosy side of my childhood.  A place where I never did anything right, was never fast enough, and I talked too much. I’d spent many years trying to forget those bad memories and build a fortress of self worth.  At this point in my life, I felt too emotionally fragile to have my inadequacies shoved in my face. I thought, “I’m perfectly aware of them, so I don’t really need reminders, thank you very much!” What I did need was a nurturing environment where I could learn from professionals at a healthy pace. A place where quality trumps quantity, and conversation is appreciated and cultivated.  Yet such an oasis remained as elusive El Dorado.

At every false start and dead end, I wondered if I made a big mistake. My mind kept going back to the night before I enrolled in school. I was awakened from a deep slumber by a voice that simply said “NO”. The voice had a tone of authority and was quite matter of fact. I waited for elaboration, but I heard only deafening silence. My mind racing, I tried to first determine where the voice came from, and then what it meant. There was nobody awake upstairs. Nobody else was in my apartment. It wasn't even a voice that I recognized. “No, what?” I wondered.  As soon as I recalled the next day’s agenda, my heart sank. I considered that perhaps I was not supposed to proceed with my enrollment plans. But did the message mean, not that particular school, or not to choose this career? I felt conflicted as my usually on-point intuition didn’t give me any warning signs. In fact, my internal compass had already given me the green light, and here was this external force giving me a red light. I decided to trust my internal voice and pushed full steam ahead. More than a year and half and a lot of debt later, what I thought would be my dream career, turned into a fantastic nightmare with anxiety on every corner.

In my search for success, I had just added another failure to an ever- expanding list. Not just any failure, mind you, but one that highlighted some of my worst weaknesses. I pondered what life would be like now if I had obeyed that mysterious voice in the night. But perhaps it doesn’t even matter. Maybe this was some sort of karmic lesson that I was destined to learn no matter what. Was I meant to push through this challenge to overcome my weaknesses? To do so would certainly stretch my boundaries to new dimensions, and I could grow into an improved version of myself. Kind of like "Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger", right?  Or I could just accept and embrace my weaknesses as components of who I am.  I would then be free to skip this torturous lesson, happily ambling down the road on to my next scheduled failure. Surely, that would be easier. However, I suspect that life lessons are part of our individual destinies. We can choose to skip a lesson for a particular time, but we can expect that same lesson to rear its ugly head again and again, until we learn.

BEAUTY RESOLUTIONS 2012

File under "Things We All Know We Should Do, But Don't"

True story: Last year I resolved to make no resolutions. And I actually kept my resolution! Imagine that! :) I was tempted to do the same this year, but I started to feel pressure to come up with something more original.  The more I pondered my "wish list", the more I noticed much of it related to health and beauty. So this year, I've decided to try a themed resolution list. 

As I prepare to graduate from beauty school in just a few weeks, I think that it's natural that I reflect on the larger role beauty now plays in my life and its impact on my future.  Most of these activities are already present in my life. I just need to do them consistently. Other ones involve activities that I need to cut back on. While most of these are not life-changing, I feel good in knowing that these resolutions, if kept, will make me happier and healthier in the long run. And since they are so easy to implement and not very unpleasant, I will be much more likely to keep them. Finally, some New Year’s resolutions that I keep! Here they are, in no particular order:

1) Water, water, everywhere!

I need to be more committed to proper hydration. When you don't hydrate your body, the condition of your hair, skin, and nails is negatively affected, as are vital metabolic processes. In 2012, the camel shall be my spirit animal. And I will carry water everywhere.

2) Flossin’.

But not like the rappers in the videos. No, I’m talking about my pearly whites. Dentists always tell me that I’m doing a great job taking care of my teeth, so I tend to use that as a pass to be lazy and not floss unless I have to. Well, not anymore!

3) Take it all off!

Makeup, that is! I need to be more dedicated to makeup

removal. Not once in a while, but every night. If I put it on, it

must come off that same evening. No more excuses.

4) Wear a mask.

 Not THAT kind, silly! I’m talking about the kind that sometimes has a fancy spelling like “masque”. They can be for skin or hair; I intend on using both types with more regularity. Winter is an especially brutal season for hair, skin and nails, so I want to make every effort to help mine stay at their best. There are many kinds; make sure to choose one that is right for your needs.        

5) Go natural.

While I don’t see myself going vegan anytime soon, I would like to integrate a few more natural health & beauty aids into my regimen. In most cases, it’s better for the earth, and better for me.

6) Age gracefully?

Well, kind of. I used to obsessively examine my hair for split ends. Now the enemy is grey hair. I’ve been in the bad habit of grabbing the tweezers and plucking away. But I don’t want to be bald, and constant hair dying isn’t healthy either. So I must let nature take its course. Out of all the resolutions, this one will be one of the hardest for me to keep. It involves acceptance and a lot self-restraint.  Wish me luck with this one. I have a feeling it will be on this list for a few years to come.

7) Chill out!

I just love hot showers, but I know it’s horribly drying for my already parched skin and hair. Maybe, just maybe, I can bring the temperature down a bit and learn to enjoy a tepid shower. See?! It doesn’t even sound as inviting! But I will try anyway.

  

8) The Rub.

Eastern medicine has long realized the many benefits of massage. What they view as a healthy practice, we see as a luxury. You don’t have to go to a high end spa to get a massage. Just make sure that your masseuse is licensed and the environment is calm, safe and sanitary. Even a brief massage can work wonders for your mind and body. I intend on going monthly.

9) Happy feet (& hands!) 
Manicures and pedicures can be a special treat. It makes me happy to see my nails all sparkly and colorful! For extra soft paws, don't forget the paraffin! I hereby resolve to A) get manis/pedi more often, and B) take better care of them (i.e. wear gloves every time I wash dishes or clean).
 

     10) Regulate!

     A new rule…just one sweet a day. It can be a piece of candy,

     a cookie, ice cream, or a fancy dessert. But whatever it is, I

     can have only one a day, so I must choose carefully.

     Goodbye mindless munching! I am not one to diet, but every

     now and then, my sweet tooth needs to be reined back in.

     I guess I feel that this relates to beauty in that health and

     beauty go hand in hand. Excessive sugar consumption can

     lead to a bevy of health and beauty problems, and there ain't

     nothing pretty about that! 

Do you have any beauty resolutions? Let me hear about them! Happy New Year and good luck! You can do it! :)

Being Single: A Holiday Survival Guide

Ah the Holidays…that magical time of year filled with re-gifted gifts, failed resolutions, and awkward conversations with relatives about the reasons why you are still single. Throw in a few long, dark, cold, lonely nights and happy couples everywhere you turn, and next thing you know, your holidays are less than happy. Well, I’m here to tell you, you are not alone.

A few weeks ago, I started to feel the creeping dread of the holidays approaching.  For the most part, I relish the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want.  But the holiday season just seems to feed my worst fears. So what do I do? Mope around and feel sorry for myself? You bet. Overindulge in things that I know are bad for me? Absolutely! But there has to be a better way, no?

This year I decided to do things a little differently. I refuse to be defeated. No, I will be victorious! I know there are many others who feel the same way about the season, and I began to wonder…what does everyone else do to cheer themselves up? I decided to ask a few of my mostly single Twitter buddies to share their favorite ways to banish the Holiday Blahs. I am so thankful and honored that they graciously agreed to participate. You can click on their names to check out their Twitter profiles. Perhaps you have already heard some of this advice, but in those moments of weakness, it’s nice to have a handy list of options to choose from. Here it goes! {drum roll...}

1) HELP OTHERS

@TheeSuperstar had lots of excellent suggestions, but this one happened to be one of my favorites.  Why not volunteer at an organization, school, church or a nursing home? When you bring sunshine to someone else, you can’t help but be touched by a few warm rays yourself.

2) BE SPONTANEOUS

@MarlowOnline takes this fun approach: Decide on a place you want to go, then text a bunch of friends for a spontaneous gathering. Don’t worry about who can or can’t make it. Sometimes it’s the ones you least expect to see, that come out to show their support. Try it!

3) WATCH A MOVIE

@JaredAWinston recommends watching a good comedy or action movie. It’s a great escape for an hour or two, and then you can always think about it afterwards and discuss it with friends. That’s several hours of happiness right there!

4) SPOIL THE LITTLE PEOPLE

@TheRealXXLEA shared this wonderful idea. If you have nieces or nephews, going all out for them can help you take your mind off of your own troubles. Whether it’s an actual gift, or the gift of time spent with them, make it memorable and you too can achieve Rockstar Aunt or Uncle status! Once again, when you make others happy, that happiness will come back to you!

5) KEEP BUSY

A mysterious male source of mine gave this obvious but very effective suggestion. Go work out, work on your favorite hobby, work some overtime! Whatever you do, don’t sit idle. Keep it movin’!

6) SEEK OUT SINGLE FRIENDS

@LaLatinaLoquita makes a great point with that suggestion. Sure, we all have those awesome friends who are married and are a pleasure to be around. But sometimes, when we’re feeling down about being single, just being around those couples can make us feel even worse. Instead, try to hang out with some positive-minded single friends and remind each other of the advantages of being single…and celebrate! You can follow her adventures in dating on her blog, www.lalatinaloquita.blogspot.com.

7) TREAT YOURSELF

@DoctorFox007sure knows how to kick a bad funk! Follow his lead and plan a day trip to Manhattan, or any other destination of your choice. Just be sure to leave enough time and cash for retail therapy and a special meal after all that shopping.

8) EXPLORE

@crockerock also believes in the healing power of the city. On those days when she felt a little blue, instead of going home, she would head to Manhattan. There she would people watch and take in the sights, the lights, and the music. Take comfort in knowing that when you are in NYC, you may be single, but you are never truly alone.

Pro Tip: Bring a camera to document your adventure!

9) FIND YOUR FAVORITES

Another anonymous male informant told me that when he is down, he just tries to “push through and wait for the feeling to pass.” However, he did acknowledge that a few things can make that waiting more bearable. Things like going to your favorite place, listening to a favorite song, playing a favorite video game, or even eating your favorite food (in moderation, of course!). These simple things can go a long way.

10) WORK TOWARD YOUR GOALS

@LoveSujeiry has a lot of dreams and goals. When the going gets tough, she puts her ambition into overdrive! Focusing on achieving success in a different area of your life, can double your pleasure. While all that focus and hard work makes you forget your woes, you are also bringing yourself that much closer to your next success. For more of her sage advice, be sure to visit her blog,  http://lovesujeiry.com

*BONUS SUGGESTION!*

(Ok, it’s really my suggestion, but I wanted the list to be an even ten. Blame my OCD!) 

BEAUTIFY- While this is second nature for most ladies, the men can do it too. Go get a haircut, a hot shave, a tattoo, a car wash or some new threads…beautify something on or around you. Ladies, whether it’s a DIY mani, a makeup makeover, or a salon appointment, do whatever your can to get back to your inspiring, beautiful selves. Work on beautifying an area of your home, or create a beautiful piece of art. Where there is beauty, there is happiness.  But you cannot expect happiness to be delivered to you on a silver platter, you must go out and seek it. Wishing each of you abundant love and happiness this holiday season…

Very truly,

Victory